| about this: | unfo. |
| thicker than water: | Friends. |
| hindsight: | Calendar. |
| good/bad, happy/sad: | Memories. |
| 20 newest entries. time: Prev(20)?. | |
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*everything, *everything: home for thoughts.
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| Sunday, March 4th, 2007 |
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| Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 |
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| Tuesday, February 21st, 2006 |
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"Go on, go on in thy might; and let no man make thee afraid." such poetry. |
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| Monday, December 26th, 2005 |
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yet i will not update its attributes quite yet. things change. i've changed. word life life is unlike words, it's like living, breathing verbs. i'm still flexing my lungs through the slats of this translucent acrylic cage pulsating rusty letters through these veins page by page, feeling the coil spring coil tighter til spring, and then heaving ice into oceans with the exhalation of summer's golden trumpeting sunbeams; dancing and singing. but i've momentarily severed my tongue and given up the rungs inside my chest so i can no longer escalate higher along my spine by scaling meditative rhythmic breaths. i've chosen something else, apparently; evolutionarily speaking, i've been told by some who choose to see me this way or that, that i've regressed, as if they think that by thinking a thing or two they somehow separate themselves from we, look at me, and say "i'm not impressed." words words words, what shall i do with you? i'd like to say, i'd like to say, i'd like to not say; just let the words coming my way hush themselves into the kind of breeze that nods at the tip of your earlobes. just let me be. eyes set upon me hungrily devouring the cracks in my skin where my humanity tries to bury its so-called sins, resting your mouth, laying silent nets to catch your head weaving serpentine righteousness roundabouts like snakes shedding their skin could change their name; your young camouflage doesn't reveal anything about me, it's your love that is not the same. (DON'T PANIC! this isn't about you, Rachel :) |
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| Wednesday, November 16th, 2005 |
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 it's winter in america. p.s. john: half the fat, with all of the flavor!  
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| Saturday, June 25th, 2005 |
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July 1st - My 23rd Birthday July 8th or 9th - My 23rd Birthday Party: - first and foremost, bring yourself! i miss all you guys. i'm looking at you C.Springs kids. you know who you are. - most likely in Lakewood (Denver), at our basement apartment - bring records - bring me some birthday beer! i like Stella Artois, Guinness, Pyramid Hefeweizen, Newcastle, Boddington's Cream Ale ;) this is open to all my friends. you know how i like my parties crunkified. i should have a definite time/day up soon :) |
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| Friday, April 22nd, 2005 |
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| this is my life. | ||||
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| Friday, March 4th, 2005 |
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you make my blood pump backwards for a split second, doing a double-take wondering how you could turn this single well of emotion into oceans and lakes. wrecked with love |
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| Thursday, March 3rd, 2005 |
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and now for something completely different:
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| Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005 |
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*fills up a cardboard box with creamed corn* *puts a tiny sailboat in it* "CORN OCEAN DIORAMA!" [re-broadcast for those who missed it] |
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| Sunday, February 20th, 2005 |
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dear journal, today i received lots of (hopefully good) new music, and a circuit-bent Casio SK-2 from my homey Josh Speckhals. dear Casio SK-2, i can't wait to sample the fuck out of you. your little composite cable patch-bay is soooo hot. holy christ i want to plug those little RCA cables in and out until you scream and squeal! i had beer, Sapporo it was gooodd.d..dd.d. moving to Denver soon? i hope so! dissatisfied with my music, lately. relooping to the old approach... != sense enriching my life without has made music more enjoyable and freeflowing and compelling. writing from feeling or well-conceived thought.... not button-press-this-sounds-neat-try-to-dra time to rediscover the meaning of music again for the Nth time. |
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| Monday, February 14th, 2005 |
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hahahahahha livejournal. check it out i have stuff to say; so i'm not wasting my time here. see you soon? |
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| Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 |
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| no shit. | ||
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| Monday, January 24th, 2005 |
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accepting love back to yourself... can.... be... a difficult process, occurence, thing... this is breathing. ...or, maybe before it even begins, i can't bear the thought of losing you. this is insecurity... but, when our eyes float towards each other, bridging this moat of simply empty stimulus that is the world we see around us until our eyes, interlocking, comes to be... like the threads of be were inspired, and created fundamental particles and the laws of physics, simply conspired a material reality... to allow us to have body, to wrangle this electro-emotional flight, this chemical love warfare fight, trying desperately to prove itself, that for every anti-particle there is the artistic gift of life, good and right, that out of the darkness really was born light, and breath, because to breathe in the presence of your flesh, to watch your chest heave as i give my own until there's nothing left... is to believe. because, i can't fucking believe that your love is happening to me. because i've spent years, count em', 3, but i'm not even 20 + 3, so that's an 1/8th of my life just trying to recover from what a different she previously karmically wrecking-balled into me. but not just a poor circumstance, i'm talking annihilation; - the fact that a single glance could condemn and demolish my self-esteem shaking seemingly iron beams to their very foundation. the exacting castration that only the most cold-hearted bitch could execute with such perfect realization; the type of cruelty only a masterpiece of betrayal could adequately express from her imagination... but, gripped in the ticking hands of the steadiest surgeon, accompanied by destiny, i watched in fascination as an unrelenting razor threw right angles upon a tree, felling leaves, creating black soil, shaking the bough until it gave forth a seed; this is i, that i which temporarily bleeds for the time given for my life to be, so please, just gently, take all of me, now mercilessly, because i think it's too good to be true, that it could grow through the concrete. |
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| Monday, January 10th, 2005 |
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the wind keeps its secrets in the open. the body rests and the mind unfurls the sails; unhindered, the soul receives its destination. |
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| Tuesday, December 28th, 2004 |
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sometimes, when i'm lonely, craving nothing more than two arms to hold me; i kneel in the shower, praying to a higher power which controls me, the God i can understand, the One which makes me a man, the God i can hold in my hands. praying to this one emotion, praying in this rhythmic motion; the God which knows why i cause myself hurt, over and over again, the blows and submerged bruises i reflect in the skin, the flesh... over and over again until i must eject, until i can no longer withstand the test, until i no longer stand erect. i shift slightly downward by inches, slumped and deject, letting the water flow its grooves across like so many times before, its rivulets and riverbeds cleansing my deepest pores. because i don't need, this weakness, anymore. |
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| Monday, December 27th, 2004 |
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poetry doesn't mirror life, life mirrors poetry. for instance: my queen fisher, hanging from the tip of a full moon casting hooks baited with green eyes leading a net of auburn strands that pulls me gasping, from the depths of your heart in which i swim. (more to follow) |
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| Friday, December 24th, 2004 |
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this is dedicated to ... In Search of Popsicles.... wait, it's winter. STAY TUNED FOR: In Search of Tea and Hot Chocolate.... |
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| Thursday, December 16th, 2004 |
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a poem? umm.. make quite an imprint on me.... but only on their definite drifting, aimless, around, creating a rift between me, and their beautiful sound-less... ...nature, so elegant and profound.... delicate, is the relationship between them and the ground. blossom, metaphor, life, and humankind, for a while, bursting green with the teeming life of the gift, gift of life to be seen in their prime; yet we marvel at a leaf as its life begins to spline, splitting threads every which way... with mortality like twine, dwindle, the yellow exposing, in the leaf, veins like a sign, sign, signal, signaling death, commence, to sign the contract between fire itself and the next step; fire itself as the branches take their seasonal breath. heaving, lungs collapse, and bleeding further seeding pigments and inject, final breaths, as connections slowly detach............ blood, and read these final words, blood red....... loose, disconnect, at mercy of currents, falling upon your head.... life is dying, drifting, dying, and dead. life is a gift, giving, loving, trying dying, dead. a leaf gracefully kisses the skin of your head... letting you know that you are slowly, hopefully- -gracefully, dying, dying, dead. but not before, the final pigments, was ashore in your veins, the gift of life, like the leaf's red, thoughts in your head, actualize, realize, make the world, make your world.... before you are washed ashore, on the ground, concrete cold, dying.... dead. |
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| Saturday, December 11th, 2004 |
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Total Musical Honesty. (taken from toomuchsexy.org)the rules: my list: 1. Sam Cooke - I'll Come Running Back To You 2. Underworld - Cups 3. Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line 4. Bobby Womack - Woman's Gotta Have It 5. Mobb Deep feat. 50 Cent - Clap Those Thangs 6. Fate - Deep Inside (from the Jungle Talk album, DJ Wildchild and MC Skibadee) 7. George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic - Atomic Dog 8. RJD2 - Ghostwriter 9. DJ Spooky & Mr. Scruff - Murderah Style 10. The Pogues - The Parting Glass btw... this J-Zone track is fucking hotter than... i dunno... walking on the sun barefoot. you better get it. |
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*everything, *everything: home for thoughts.
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depressed.
worried.
tired.
hungry.