*everything, *everything: home for thoughts.

about this:unfo.
thicker than water:Friends.
good/bad, happy/sad:Memories.
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Thursday, December 9th, 2004

Subject:of angels...
Time:6:07 pm.
creative writing. i wish i could express how beautiful and relaxing this dream was through my words:

about a dream i had where i was an angel ... my name's Gabriel... get it LOLafafd?Collapse )
Share Your Mind: (4) | If You Have Some Time.

Monday, December 6th, 2004

Subject:i imagined...
Time:4:33 am.
i thought to myself... what if all the humans on earth meditated simultaneously? could we change the universe? then i recalled this story, about the chant "om mani padme hum".

The teacher had two disciples, who both undertook to perform a hundred million recitations of the mantra of Chenrezi, OM MANI PADME HUNG. In the presence of their lama, they took a vow to do so, and went off to complete the practice. 

One of the disciples was very diligent, though his realization was perhaps not so profound. He set out to accomplish the practice as quickly as possible and recited the mantra incessantly, day and night. After long efforts, he completed his one hundred million recitations, in three years. The other disciple was extremely intelligent, though perhaps not as diligent, because he certainly did not launch into the practice with the same enthusiasm. But when his friend was approaching the completion of his retreat, the second disciple, who had not recited very many mantras, went up on the top of a hill. He sat down there, and began to meditate that all the beings throughout the universe were transformed into Chenrezi. He meditated that the sound of the mantra was not only issuing from the mouth of each and every being, but that every atom in the universe was vibrating with it, and for a few days he recited the mantra in this state of samadhi.

When the two disciples went to their lama to indicate they had finished the practice, he said, 'Oh, you've both done excellently. You were very diligent, and YOU were very wise. You both accomplished the one hundred million recitations of the mantra.
Share Your Mind: (4) | If You Have Some Time.

Sunday, December 5th, 2004

Subject:a simple poem of reflection
Time:9:55 pm.
i remember how i hurt the world around me,
the pieces of my heart turned to stone,
the weight of which i will always carry,
om mani padme hum.

oh may i bring me home.
Share Your Mind: (13) | If You Have Some Time.

Subject:Phloston Paradise
Time:7:25 am.
Phloston Paradise:

my first actual party performance.
live PA; G4 Powerbook + Ableton Live + Oxygen 8 midi controller
i think it came off a lot better than i had anticipated.
*pats self on back*

hooray for induced nonsensical sentence parsing.
one of those situations where you say something, and then realize what you said, and you go "what??? did i actually just fucking say that??? daaaamnit i am an idiot."

set went well.
had lots of fun.
unbelievable venue.
psychotic people.
so tired omfg.

people seem to think that live PA always = on the spot production.
damn, if i were that good...

got propositioned to have sex in a bouncy castle as a joke. at least i think it was a joke.................................... anyways..... i offered a raincheck instead, hahahaha.

it was so great to see so many friends there that i haven't seen in forever, like a little raver reunion.

found many points of stillness deep below the water's surface.
Share Your Mind: (9) | If You Have Some Time.

Friday, December 3rd, 2004

Subject:i think that.......
Time:11:23 pm.
A.R.E. Weapons can eat a fucking dick.

unless someone can suggest a track of theirs that would change my mind.
Share Your Mind: (1) | If You Have Some Time.

Wednesday, December 1st, 2004

Subject:crushing myself.
Time:12:32 am.
Mood: drunk.

i think i suck at music.
i can't bear the thought that maybe i won't ever succeed at being a producer.

this is my dream, my passion... it's all i could ever imagine doing with my life, and still being happy. i guess i could still be a DJ, eh?

i see people who have been producing for a year, making tracks that just beat the shit out of my stuff. i don't know what to think.

what if the only thing i ever cared about doing, i was lame at? what would i do with myself then?

is it just a lot of hard work? why not go to music school? i can't play any instruments... that's why.

i can't bear to crush my own dreams. how much of making music is innate talent, and how much is HARD... FUCKING.... WORK.... ? hm?


there it is ^
my music, everything from "breakdown" down... except for "first in flight"....
i've been making music for 3 years, off and on.
what now?

how long has orangedust been making music?

ugh.......... this is all i want to do.

do you understand?
this is it.
that's it.

that is all.
just music. what if......... i could not............ make ............ music?
what else is there but compromise?
compromise = mediocrity?
Share Your Mind: (15) | If You Have Some Time.

Saturday, November 27th, 2004

Subject:Bob Saget Is God
Time:7:15 pm.

there is hope.
Share Your Mind: (11) | If You Have Some Time.

Friday, November 26th, 2004

Subject:a thanksgiving joke
Time:1:38 am.


happy belated thanksgiving.
Share Your Mind: (5) | If You Have Some Time.

Thursday, November 25th, 2004

Subject:what it means to me... just playin'
Time:10:52 pm.
is cracking open a beer.
Share Your Mind: (3) | If You Have Some Time.

Friday, November 19th, 2004

Subject:hmm love
Time:9:44 pm.
i really gave my heart to a girl once;
but not before,
or since.
Share Your Mind: (12) | If You Have Some Time.

Monday, November 15th, 2004

Subject:oh nos!
Time:2:48 am.
this is not a dial-up friendly post.
writing sucks.
pictures fun and more stimulating.
this is not necessarily my everyday life, but it's still something.

some pictures, from the last couple days:Collapse )

holy shit, i just realized i was wearing my sunglasses at night.
Share Your Mind: (5) | If You Have Some Time.

Time:12:37 am.
holy fuck last night was delicious;

went to a party called Offworld, which was hosted in a planetarium.
full use of the projection system was made, with the acoustics of the dome accentuating the speaker stacks they had in place. i missed my favorite group of the night, but it was still a blast.

even the 2nd stage, which was placed in a sideroom that was maybe 20 x 50 ft deep, was totally sick. people dancing and cheering ecstatically (in the purest sense of the word, not necessarily involving the throes of drugs ;)
actually, i would have to say that this room took first prize; the main room experience was marred by sound problems, non-mixing Live PA shenanigans, and some at times less than interesting visuals. i guess i had higher expectations for the main room.

High: foremost, my friend Erica dancing... as in, holy shit, she never fucking dances.... re-welcome to the tribe...
people serving fresh fruit to the dancers, a rarity...
some as-of-yet unidentified DJ who played a sick, totally fresh mix of... i don't know what to call it; IDM-tinged breakcore, jungle, hardcore, noise? but damn, it was inspirational...
getting down to some illbient shit in the planetarium dome....
running into some friends i haven't seen for a while : D
overall, some interesting and fun people at the party...

Low: some peoples acting weird in various ways....
that's about it....
Share Your Mind: (3) | If You Have Some Time.

Saturday, November 13th, 2004

Time:8:22 pm.
beforeCollapse )

afterCollapse )

have a nice day.
more to follow, when i feel like posting again.
Share Your Mind: (1) | If You Have Some Time.

Wednesday, November 10th, 2004

Subject:whatevs like...
Time:2:33 am.
Mood: cynical.



*commence breathing*

// in other news

^ this song fucking rocks. it'll go in a set.

i'm supposed to play at a party on Dec. 4th. gonna do some live PA. i'm relatively new to it, but it's like riding a bike, especially if you have experience with turntables. i'm not sure what genres i'll include. i need to start putting a set together. the party is named Phloston Paradise, and is gonna be themed after The Fifth Element.

hopefully the shit will pull through. 3rd time's a charm. i'm nervous as fuck; i've spun lots of house parties, but this will be my first actual production.

i'm really unsure what kind of vibe i want to work towards. i think it would be cool to do something unusual, a lot less dancy, buuuuut... that seems kind of antithetical to playing a party. i can't tell if that would be the kind of first impression that i do or don't want to make. who knows, like someone else said, "if you play it loud enough, i'm sure people will dance." i think it would be fun to mix some of me and mooninite's original compositions with stuff like Squarepusher and BoC, but heads don't know and damn sure ain't ready. there must be a "happy medium," if people like Equulei can pull it off. i think it would be more personally fulfilling and interesting, even though it may disappoint some of my fans ;)

more girl problems. what else is new? are girls anything but problems? heh.
*awaits enlightening commentary*
all i need to do is let things settle down, and keep being me... keep being me.
wait.. that hasn't worked out once, in 22 years.
just kidding.

i've been sleeping like shit the last couple nights. i haven't gotten any rest. that must mean that somewhere else, someone else is sleeping soundly, floating... that's the word du jour... among clouds.

raising a glass of water; a toast, to beginning again again.
as many times as it takes.
Share Your Mind: (11) | If You Have Some Time.

Tuesday, November 9th, 2004

Subject:born to heal, and be a smartass
Time:12:51 am.
some day i'll be appreciated for who i am.

until then,
i'll just have to keep being who i am.
Share Your Mind: (8) | If You Have Some Time.

Saturday, November 6th, 2004

Time:4:18 pm.
Share Your Mind: (10) | If You Have Some Time.

Time:3:24 pm.
a true friend makes fun of you being in a bad mood.
Share Your Mind: (3) | If You Have Some Time.

Subject:dear journal
Time:11:10 am.
Dear Journal,

I am so lame.

-Gabe <3
Share Your Mind: (4) | If You Have Some Time.

Thursday, October 28th, 2004

Subject:ahh yes, nostalgia
Time:3:30 am.
i found this and thought it was fucking hilarious. it's from a while back in the journal, but damn... solid gold. posted by kompressorpower, livejournal of the one and only KOMPRESSOR. it really helps to check out his music before you read this entry. that will give you the proper tone. hahah.

"this morning we arrive to work. our office is very clean and neat every day but today. someone who also works at this company has put many things into the office.

we demand to know who does this and one man tells us "april fools". i tell him to remove all these items from the office. he puts a hundred rubber balloons in the office for no reason.

then i tell him "you must clean bathroom now." he starts to tell us that he is landscaper and does not need to clean bathroom. then i tell him "april fools. you do not have to clean bathroom. instead you are fired. leave the building now and your personal items will be shipped to you."

perhaps he does not understand that business needs to be run without idiot balloons or child games. the office is quiet now, i am at the desk, preparing to landscape for another day. the only sound is drum machine which runs all 24 hours in the office, always on, always set to SAMBA pattern.

tonight at dusk we go to the house of this former landscape employee and use bricks to remove his car windows. if we are questioned, we tell the observers, april fools, and leave the area before you are also fooled by this day with our bricks.

thank you
Share Your Mind: (1) | If You Have Some Time.

Tuesday, October 19th, 2004

Subject:Israel and the war on drugs
Time:2:37 pm.
dunno how many of you have seen this article:


interesting..... verrrry interesting.
Share Your Mind: (5) | If You Have Some Time.

*everything, *everything: home for thoughts.

about this:unfo.
thicker than water:Friends.
good/bad, happy/sad:Memories.
20 newest entries, after skipping 20. time: Prev(20)? or Next(20)?.